The Case for those Egg-Shaped SUVs

Mercdes Egg

It just so happens that I don’t enjoy buying cars that are more resemblant to what you would find in an egg carton.

Let’s talk SEVs: Sport Egg Vehicles. Honestly, they just don’t make sense. Coupe SUVs remind of those questions on a test that you’re beyond confused about what the answer is, so you pick D because you haven’t picked that letter in a while. Coupe SUVs to me are like algebra to a 5-year old: confusing. And ugly (have you seen all the hideous symbols on those math problems?)

Look at how spectacularly eggy this car is!

SEVs, mainly the Mercedes GLE 63 S Coupe and BMW X6, is a giant compromise all wrapped up in a weird package. Both look like the result of a compact SUV and a sedan had a baby. In other words, rediculous. And while that’s all opinions, there’s no denying my original point: SEVs are just bucket-loads of compromise. Typically, when you’re buying an SUV (Sport Utility Vehicle), you’re buying it for the “U” bit of the name, Utility. Most SUVs are pretty good at being vehicles, but they suck at being sporty.

However, Mercedes and BMW thought up of this great idea: make an SUV that looks sleek coupe-like, give it performance to match, and hope people buy it. And while that sounds like a great idea on paper, saying that this was a good idea is like suggesting to give all the starving people in the world McNuggets to end world hunger. On paper? Brilliant. Dig into it a little bit, and the flaws of this design start becoming incredibly obvious.

For an egg, it doesn’t look half bad. The issue? It’s a car, not an egg.

The first big flaw you notice in SEVs is the lack of practicality. Since cars like the Mercedes GLE 63 S Coupe and BMW X6 have the sloped roof to look like coupes, you’re immediately robbed rear headroom. This becomes extremely apparent if your not a child or Richard Hammond. The sloped roof also limits your cargo space for tall objects. The next major fatality of the sloped roof is visibility. Due to the angle of the roof, the window is farther away from you, making it harder to see. Not only that, but the sloped-roof line means that headrests make it almost impossible to look out of your rear-window. Of course, there are backup cameras in both makes to help out with this, but it is still nonetheless sketchy to not be able to see out of your rear window. So yes, while the sloped roof does make for a great snow-slide in the wintertime, it isn’t all that useful for the core functions in a car.

This car failed the eggs-am of looking correctly. At least it’ll be fast in the eggs-press lane.

I mean seriously, what is the point of these Coupe SUVs? They are right about as practical as a 2000’s Ford GT in a car park, and the visibility might as well be non-existent. The ideology behind these egg-inspired cars is that they are meant to have the practicality of an SUV, the design of a coupe, and the performance of a sports car. In essence, this is an SUV with some distinguished styling. Yet, no matter how much horsepower you put, they will never be sporty. By making the roof slanted, your SUV is no longer practical, so really, all you bought is a vehicle. Seems like a waste, don’t you think?


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