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The Trio Need New Nicknames

Just very recently we posted about James May’s latest run in with the law on his motorbike, and that he probably shouldn’t be called Captain Slow anymore because of his speeding ticket and also because of potential legal hurdles with the BBC. So we asked our Facebook fans what are some good alternate names for James May that he can use for his upcoming show, The Grand Tour, which premiers in Fall 2016. The suggestions were many and they were imaginative.

Let’s start off with all of the Captain and other military related rank spinoffs. They were great but we’re certain these will be off limits due to the similarity of it to Captain Slow:

Corporal Dithering

Captain Fizz

The Artist Formerly Known As Captain Slow

Rear Admiral Slow

Lieutenant Slow

Major Impediment

Captain Buffeting… Buffeting… Buffeting

Captain Pedantic

Sergeant Snail

General Caution

Captain Careful

His Royal Slowness

The Colonel

Captain 1953

Able Seaman Cock

Captain Cock

Captain Oh Cock

General O’Cock

Grand Admiral “OH COCK” Whiffle Bottom

Then there were the completely different ones, and they were great too.

Mr. Geek

The Retro King

Fizz Pants

Dazed and Confused (because “he looks quite like Robert Plant from Led Zepplin.”)


Molasses May

The Pacemaker

James McJamesFace

Helium Foot



The Professor

Professor Corduroy

The Glacier (They move slow)

Continental Drift (Really Really Slow)

But we think have our favorite:

We think “The Brain” works well for The Artist Formerly Known As Captain Slow, mostly because it works so well if Jeremy Clarkson goes by “The Arse.” Thanks again to all of those that contributed the great nicknames, if you can think of other great nicknames for Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson, please let us know in the comments and we’ll post the best ones!


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